Patience In The Night 10

August 30, 2013

Sometimes it seems like spiritual dryness is overwhelming. Or like spiritual progress is all too slow. Few things are more frustrating than feeling like I am being withheld from a good thing. Impatience comes from a lack of faith that God is working for the best and that every minute I spend waiting in the dark for some light form the Lord will work for me eternal gain.

There are two ways that I should not respond in impatience. The first is that of despondency. There is a spiritual depression which is healthy, and one that is not. If I have sinned, then a prayer of Psalm 51 is good. James 4:8, 9: "Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom." But this mourning is supposed to have an effect of repentance. And in verse 10, he says, "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you." Instead of being depressed over our sins OR our plans, we should humble ourselves under the mighty hand of the Lord.

The second is that of overexertion. Sometimes if God isn't acting the way we think He should, we will step in and take action ourselves. In John 18:10, as Judas Iscariot and the Jews come to arrest Jesus, Peter attempts to defend Jesus, cutting the ear off a Roman servant. During all of Jesus' ministry, Peter had tried to fit Jesus into his own view of the Messiah. And when Judas began to disrupt Peter's plan, he felt that he had to take matters into his own hands. But Jesus made it clear that He will do His Father's will.

Whether I can see the end of God's giant plan or not, I know that God works all things to His will. I cannot imagine being Peter, knowing that his Lord was being dragged away to be killed. Even when Jesus doesn't seem close to us, I should trust that He works even His absence for the greatest gain.

~The Fragile Grey Heart

Philippians 4:6, 7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

The Evangelism Of The Master 09

August 28, 2013

In all things, I should look at Jesus. So lately, I've been wondering: how does Jesus evangelize? Jesus' evangelism did not always yield fruit, but there is no better Person to model myself after than the Master Himself.

1. JESUS EVANGELIZED BY PRESENTING HIMSELF AS THE WAY INTO HEAVEN. In the familiar passage John 3, Jesus and the Pharisee Nicodemus are talking late at night. In very clear words, Jesus proclaims that no one will enter heaven unless they believe on Him (John 3:16). And He gives to Nicodemus both halves of the age-old debate of "man's responsibility or God's will." First, you cannot tell the Spirit who to regenerate (John 3:8), but you must believe (John 3:18)! Nicodemus seems to care for the Lord Jesus following His crucifixion (John 19:39), which I attribute to a converted heart. Nicodemus passed from darkness to light (John 3:19).

2. JESUS EVANGELIZED BY PRESENTING HIMSELF AS THE ULTIMATE SATISFACTION. One chapter later in John 4, Jesus meets with the Samaritan woman. As omniscient God, He knows her entire past, just as He had known His disciple Nathaniel's past and His disciple Peter's future. And furthermore, He knows where her heart lies. In verses 16 to 18, she admits that she has gone through five husbands and is currently living with a sixth man. This is in explanation to His previous statement: "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give Him will never be thirsty again" (John 4:13, 14). Jesus tells her that He is the only lasting option to her soul's desires. When the Samaritan woman leaves, she leaves behind her bucket - representing her abandonment of all other pleasures and pursuits - and tells Samaria about Jesus Christ.

3. JESUS EVANGELIZED BY PRESENTING HIMSELF AS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW. In Romans 7, Paul says that if he had not known the Law, he would not have known sin (Romans 7:7). This is well expressed in Mark 10 when Jesus evangelizes to the rich young man. When the young man asks how he can inherit eternal life, Jesus responds by quoting the Law. The young man claims to have completed all of them, and Jesus says, "You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me" (Mark 10:21). This is the test of love: do I love money (or anything else) or do I love Jesus? And when the rich man turns away, it is apparent he loved money. Loving Jesus and following Jesus (at the end) fulfills the Law from cover to cover.

4. JESUS EVANGELIZED BY PRESENTING HIMSELF AS A REWARDER. Jesus is a rewarder of those who seek Him (Hebrews 11:4). And who sought Him and followed Him more fervently than His own disciples? Matthew records for us His calling of Simon Peter and Andrew: "Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men" (Matthew 4:19). I can only imagine that after such a radical experience in Luke 5 when Jesus nearly causes Peter's boat to tip from a bountiful catch of fish that Peter knew that much more would come. If I ever come to think that the world has enough to offer, I should look to Jesus. Hear Him say: "You think this is a great catch? Go forth, and be catching men" (Luke 5:10). Men are far more valuable than fish, and treasures in heaven are far more valuable than treasures on earth. I pray that would not be like the rich man who denied heavenly treasures, but I pray to be like Peter who left all to follow Him.

5. JESUS EVANGELIZED BY PRESENTING HIMSELF AS A HEALER. Jesus did not raise the dead very often while He was on earth, but it seems appropriate that He would call forth one of His best friends: Lazarus. All of Lazarus' suffering, Jesus makes clear, came for the glory of God (John 11:4). And when He comes to save Lazarus from death, He makes it crystal clear that in one life or another, Jesus will heal every wound we ever receive and more. He truly does love the suffering (John 11:36), so He will turn all our loss into immense gain. So He cures the most repressive of all physical ailments: death itself. And from this healing and from countless others, people believed in Him (John 11:45).

6. JESUS EVANGELIZED BY PRESENTING HIMSELF AS A SACRIFICE. Nothing is closer to the heart of the Gospel than the cross of Christ. And even while He was nailed to a tree, Jesus still saves one more wandering lamb: the thief. The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day! Perhaps it wasn't until he saw Jesus' sufferings and he heard Jesus' pleas for our forgiveness and he witnessed Jesus' persistent Godward focus that he truly believed that Jesus is the Son of God. But he believed nonetheless, because he knew that in that moment, Jesus was bearing sin - even his own. "This man has done nothing wrong, (Luke 23:41), and yet He hangs here for me." By dying on the cross, Jesus brought this thief into paradise and countless others until He returns.

~The Fragile Grey Heart

John 8:12: "Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows Me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'"

The Root Of Pride 08

August 26, 2013

INTROSPECTION: My lack of faith is my worst sin. It is the root of all others. A lack of faith creates pride. And vice versa, I believe. God, if there be any wicked way in me, correct it! And when You reveal it to me, don't let me become discouraged. Rather, let Your glory shine so brightly that I cannot help but follow You!

I do not share the Gospel as much as I need to. This stems from several problems for me. First: I am afraid. I fear man and their opinions. Inversely then, I am valuing my own reputation far too much which is pride. And we have already claimed that pride is a version of UNBELIEF.

Second, I over-analyze a conversation that MIGHT happen. Is God real? Is homosexuality really a sin? Why does God let bad things happen to good people? I am not allowing God to guide my words, which again stems from UNBELIEF.

And third, I am not in love enough with God. I don't find Him precious enough to share. And if faith is a result of satisfaction (John 6:35), then my lack of love for God comes from UNBELIEF.

Lord, I thank You for the work You have done through my life already, but don't stop there! Let your love coarse through my heart! Because of Your great and wondrous works, I will raise the cup of my heart to You again. Fill my life, Lord Jesus!

Amen.

~The Fragile Grey Heart

Psalm 139:23, 24: "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!"

God's Wills Of Decree, Desire, And Direction 07

August 25, 2013

I have often wondered how the will of God can be both to save the wicked (1 Timothy 2:4; Ezekiel 18:23) and to punish the wicked (Psalm 5:5,6; Psalm 55:23). Today in Sunday School, I read in a Kevin de Young book Just Do Something that there are three wills of God.

The first is God's will of decree. This is what will come to pass. No one can change this. "For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed" (Malachi 3:6). "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" (Hebrews 13:8). Predestination. Election. Foreknowledge. These are all intertwined. If God is not sovereign over time, then He is sovereign over nothing.

The second is God's will of desire. He does not delight in the death of the wicked, and he does desire that all see His glory. And it appears that every now and then, He may change His mind (emphasis on "appears"). "When God saw what they did, how they turned from their evil way, God relented of the disaster that he had said he would do to them, and he did not do it" (Jonah 3:10). He swore to Jonah that He would destroy Nineveh, but when they repented of their sins, He decided not to destroy them. He was able to follow His desire of not slaying the wicked because they repented. Without their repentance, He would have had to act out of His desire and destroy Nineveh. So it is reasonable to assume that every time a soul is sent to hell (1 Samuel 2:6), God acts outside of His will of desire. And within it as well (Psalm 21:9).

The last is God's will of direction. This is the way He guides our every steps (Psalm 139:9,10). This is like the tender hand of a shepherd, and we should not deny it. Our role in God's will is that we should accept it and follow it. I should not fall into the hyper-Calvinist view of our role in life. That's like Jesus telling Peter to drop his nets and Peter replying with "But at Your word... the fish will jump in anyways so make them jump." God wants to work through us. God wants to bring about His will. God's will shall be done.

~The Fragile Grey Heart

Philippians 2:13: "For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."

Lacey's Tiny Heart 06

August 24, 2013
Today, I heard again the song "Tiny Heart" by Flyleaf, sung by Lacey Mosley, which speaks volumes about the fragile grey heart. I wonder how many other Christians feel like their hearts are fragiled and just a little tainted. Listen to the words of Flyleaf, and see if you feel like the Lord is pursuing you.

"Tiny heart, stuck inside yourself. When will you open up to Me? I love you so I wanna meet you again before one of us must go.

Your lips touched every hand but Mine. If you choose Me, I'm waiting for you. If you choose Me, I'm waiting for you. Always waiting.

Tiny heart, you're not by yourself. When will you recognize the beat of My own heart, grieving in your hand? You crush Me when you run that way.

Your lips touched every hand but Mine. If you choose Me, I'm waiting for you. If you choose Me, I'm waiting for you. Always waiting.

You will never know what you have done to Me. And you will never know losing love from Me. And you will never know a single day alone. Tiny heart, stuck inside yourself. When will you open up?

Your lips touched every hand but Mine. If you choose Me, I'm waiting for you. If you choose Me, I'm waiting for you. Always waiting."

Lacey Mosley understands the idea of the Fragile Grey Heart. Come to Jesus, and He will satisfy your introverted, wandering heart. Perhaps this is a myth, but I seem to recall that Robert Robinson - author of the old hymn Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing - had himself a fragile grey heart, but one day on a train, he heard a woman singing "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love." This encouraged him to love God more, which is my deepest and most consistent prayer. Draw my tiny heart in, Lord!

~The Fragile Grey Heart

Psalm 119:10: "With my whole heart I seek You; let me not wander from Your commandments!"

Do Not Withhold Yourself, Lord 05

August 23, 2013

I still find my prayer life failing. How can I fight sin unless I talk to my Lover? How can I refrain from adultery unless I hear Him tell me, "I love you (John 3:16). No good thing will I withhold from you (Psalm  84:11). I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)."

If faith comes by hearing the Word of God (Romans 10:17), my Bible and prayer are vital tools for my walk. Incline my heart to You, O Lord! If You withhold no good thing and since You are the best thing, give me as much of You as I can have! Let me hear glorious things in Your Word! Not boring things, but things that thrill my soul to love You because only through burning love for you can I slay sin.

~The Fragile Grey Heart

Psalm 84:11: "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly."

Simplicity 04

August 22, 2013

I still have a desire to read the Word, but my prayer life is still suffering. Just read a section of When I Don't Desire God by John Piper.

How is it that I walk into a theater super excited, but don't see the beauty in a sunrise anymore? Every now and then, I ought to take a look at a flower or a tree or at the sky as I did yesterday and just be amazed that it is. I used to think that children are amused by simple things. You hear them react to sensations like tickling or ridiculous faces. But as we get older, WE become more entertained by simple things like television and iPhones. Children have an innocence that purely enjoys glorious things. O that I would have eyes like a child to grasp the worth of God's creation!

I also need to start FORGETTING ABOUT MYSELF! It's a great hindrance to joy, always wondering what people think of me (Ecclesiastes 7:21). The world does not revolve around you, and few people you pass on the street are extremely concerned with what you are doing.

INTROSPECTION: The freedom of self-forgetfulness, as Timothy Keller calls it, liberates us from what can potentially be the awkward sin of self-awareness.

~The Fragile Grey Heart

Ecclesiastes 7:21: "Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you."

Psalm 104:24, 25: "O Lord, how manifold are Your works! In wisdom have You made them all; the earth is full of Your creatures. Here is the sea, great and wide, which teems with creatures innumerable, living things both small and great."

He Will Come Like The Sun 03

August 21, 2013

I was not thorough enough to pray this morning, and I haven't read my planned Bible study in a while. On the way home from school though, I saw the sky over the treeline and wondered how it would look for the Son of God to suddenly burst out over the clouds, the Holy Spirit on His shoulder like a dove and the radiance of His Father glistening from His head.

Malachi 4:2 --> The Sun of Righteousness Shall Rise

THE - Denotes singularity. There may be many lamps of goodwill in this world, but there is only ONE Sun of Righteousness. Mohammed, Buddha, Moses, Obama, and even the most God-fearing people do not compare to THE Sun. He is THE Way, THE Truth, and THE Life (John 14:6); and we might add now that He is THE Sun of Light.

SUN - He brings light into the world. And just as by the sunlight we can see everything, by Jesus we can understand and interpret everything. His light causes darkness to flee, but it draws in all those who love the light. We are like the little planets that revolve around Him, not necessarily because we have to, but because without our Sun, where would we be? We would be lost.

OF - Denotes possession. Jesus Christ embodies righteousness. It is a part of Him.

RIGHTEOUSNESS - All holiness and perfection is contained within Jesus Christ. He has filthied His hands but once on Calvary. His coming will now be not of service but of conquest. And those who hunger and thirst after righteousness will be satisfied (Matthew 5:6).

SHALL - This is a sure thing. Don't doubt it. Have faith in His coming, and live your life in light of it. Prepare for the Master, for He will come.

RISE - He already died. He already rose. He already ascended. So why does He say He will rise if He will be descending from heaven? The difference between a sunrise and a sunset is not its glory but its significance in the day. When the sun sets, the day is dead, but when the sun rises, it signifies a freshness. A new day has begun. A new era has dawned. And when THE Sun of RIGHTEOUSNESS rises, a new age will begin, one that is everlasting. This Sun will rise and NEVER set again.

~The Fragile Grey Heart

Malachi 4:2: "But for you who fear My name, the Sun of Righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall."

To Slay The Giant Sins 02

Just three short days ago, I began keeping a prayer journal. These next three posts will describe my last three days...

I'm bad at note-taking, but I love to write. It is here that I will begin a diary, not of my life but of THE LIFE. Perhaps if I see God work and move, then I will better grasp what it means to have my faith and love fed by gratitude.

So as of August 20, 2013:

INTROSPECTION: I struggle with lust, laziness, jealousy, pride, inconsistency, lying, anxiety, procrastination, too much self-awareness, procrastination, unresolved emotions, and two-facedness.

Even as I write, branches of these sins come to mind. I've been reading John Piper a lot. I need faith. BIG FAITH. And I pray to God that I will have faith that slays giant sins - not the action only but the desire. The thoughts. The feelings.

God, give me that power, love, and sound mind from 2 Timothy 1:7. Strip away the fear; grant me a soul of faith. If faith is your purifying agent, cleanse this grey heart with your bleach-like blood.

~The Fragile Grey Heart

 2 Timothy 1:7: "For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control."

My Earnest Plea 01

By way of introduction, my name is Cailean Williams, and I am a blood-bought believer of an extraordinary Man: Jesus Christ. Without Him, I would be nothing. This blog is going to be dedicated to Him, recording the journeys I will take as my Savior leads me gently by the hand. If nothing else, let this be a testimony to the faithfulness of my Lord to me, so in times of doubt, there may be a record to reflect upon, lest I turn away discouraged.

The Fragile Grey Heart refers to human existence. Christians are different from other people in only a handful of ways. We need God as much as anyone, and we know it. I find myself physically, mentally, and emotionally weak when I experience long droughts from Christ. So we are fragile, broken people until the return of our glorious Lord. Come quickly to us, Jesus. This fallen world has such a bitter taste in our mouths when we compare it to Your perfection. And the grey refers to the state of our hearts. Never perfect, but always striving for obedience through the power of the Holy Ghost. Lord, we will not stay fragile and grey. For You, O God, are our song, our joy, our love, and our hope. Soon, when You break the clouds apart with your glory, our fragile, grey hearts will be transformed into unshakable hearts of the purest wool.

And in the meantime, we will wait patiently for You and resolve to live our lives as best we can to enjoy You more. For to enjoy You and to have our every thirst satisfied by You is to glorify You. My earnest plea till the day I die is that I will constantly have you in my mind, "looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith" (Hebrews 12:2).

~The Fragile Grey Heart

Hebrews 12:2: "Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."